How Not To Announce Your Pregnancy
by TrappedDream
Summary: "I know it's probably the worst timing, but I was just wondering…Is there a particular reason why we have a duck, staring at us right now in the middle of our kitchen?"  Harry/Pansy Oneshot


**A.N: So, my first one shot attempt=) And with an unlikely pairing, I know, but I kinda like them=) tell me what you think!**

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"Do you know much I hate you, Potter?" I screamed as a vase flew towards him, and he deftly caught it with one hand.

"Umm-I have some guesses, now that you mentioned.." he said and I let out a shriek, grabbing my glass on the table and throwing it at him with full strength. He dodged it in the last second, and the glass smashed into million pieces as it hit the wall, instead of Harry's head, which I was aiming at.

"Just-explain to me, how is it my fault?"

I blinked dumbly, giving him a disbelieving glare

"How is it your fault?" I repeated his question "Every bad thing happens in my life is your fault! Including this one!"

"Okay, I accept I had some part in this one-"

"Some part? You knocked me up!"

"-But you were there too, as I recall!" he dodged an another vase "For God's sake, when did we get this many vases?"

I let out a furious breath

"My parents will lose their minds…" I muttered to myself "They were hoping some day we would break up-"

"Don't we all hope that?" he tried to lighten up the mood but I narrowed my eyes, gritting my teeth

"Okay, consider I didn't even open my mouth." He said quickly and I rubbed my eyes, taking a deep breath

"It'll just-change everything…" I said, pacing in the kitchen "Oh Merlin… I had hopes, I had dreams, I had a life-"

"Love, don't you think you're kind of-errm-exaggerating?"

"Exaggerating?" I exclaimed "This is a scandal, Harry-"

"Oh, so we are back to the first name basis-" he took a step towards me but I grabbed an another glass, then paused.

_Pregnancy must be really affecting my brain…_

I pulled my wand from my pocket and pointed it at him. He froze in his spot and raised his arms

"Alright, I'm not moving.." he said "But Pans, come on, it's brilliant-we'll have a baby-"

"No, I'll tell you what will happen.." I said furiously "I'll-I'll have to take a break from the work, and then, I'll get fat and ugly, because even I can't look thin with a baby in me, and you'll start going to clubs or whatever, coming home smelling like cheap parfume, and I won't even be able to drown my problems because the alcohol is bad for the baby, and I'll end up being miserable, cheated on and fat and-" I started sobbing and leant my back against the wall, slipping into a sitting position on the floor, pulling my knees to my chest "And it'll be all your fault!"

He heaved a deep sigh and sat beside me, pulling me closer to him and I sniffed, closing my eyes and inhaling his scent.

"Ehm-Pans?"

"What?"

"I know it's probably the worst timing, but I was just wondering…Is there a particular reason why we have a duck, staring at us right now in the middle of our kitchen?"

I opened my eyes, turning my head

"Oh, that…" I muttered, looking at the duck "It's-umm…It was my last attempt to cook for you."

"You bought the duck alive?"

"It was a tomato when I bought it." I sniffed again "I think I cast the wrong charm. Oh Merlin, it was going to be this…best announcement of pregnancy ever, and then I realized I can't even cook, and baby will be starved to death when it's born!"

He looked like he was struggling with a laughter but I ignored him, now throwing my shoe at the duck

"Get out!"

It quacked but didn't move. I let out a sigh and leant my head to Harry's shoulder, feeling the anger leaving my body slowly.

"Are we feeling calm again love?"he muttered, playing with my hair and I crossed my arms

"No.." I said "And you won't be feeling calm either when Draco finds out. He'll definitely try to kill you."

"Nah, Hermione will stop him."

"My father will try to castrate you."

"Yeah, about that…" he said, now his voice was..well, less calm. "So…errmm- who is gonna tell your parents?"

"You."

He sighed dramatically, sounding like a wounded puppy

"But-"

"Don't even, Potter!"

"He hates me enough already, why are we fueling the fire?" he whined

I rolled my eyes "He doesn't hate you…" I paused "Much."

"Right." He snorted "You say that to yourself when he tries to 'castrate' me."

I smiled, then it faded away when the panic hit me with full force again.

"Just-I was supposed to be more…mature right? I was supposed to be wearing pearls, and cooking well, and, knowing more stuff.." I wiped my eyes again "But I can't even-God, where's the perfect woman inside of me?"

The corner of his lips curled upwards and he got on his feet, then picked me up bridal style

"Harry!" I wriggled as he started carrying me upstairs "What do you think you're doing!"

"I'm helping you to discover the _'perfect woman'_ inside you, love." He stated and opened the door to our bedroom, then threw me to bed. I squealed laughing

"But-the dinner-I thought you were hungry?"

He climbed on top of me, shutting me up with an amazing kiss

"Oh, absolutely."


End file.
